Some things going on.
I decided that I don't want to have any kind of commitment with Michael other then dating.
I talked to Duckie about Rich and told her that IMO he's RAD. We agreed on manipulation 100%. I am sorry that I didn't see it earlier. But I hardly ever talked to him before now. Amuzing is that Rich finds me dangerous... (It is not our abilities that define us but our choices; is the only thing I can say)
Duckie's counselling is helpful. Hillarious counseller told her about "semiretired hooker". That was a definite funny story.
I realised that friends are in your life to help you figure things out (as in my opinion life is something to be figured out - and I find that aspect absolutely great about life and a reason to love it).
A very interesting question surfaced: "why am I dating Michael?". I am unable to answer it. I am pretty sure that it was a deliberate decision on my part. I can't explain it. I definitely enjoy dating him. Which is also somewhat amazing.

I called my mom. She is lovable. I told her that I went to visit a synagog. She said: "Well, you did a very good thing". She thinks that I am expanding my horizons, I bet. Boy, that's gonna be something else to break it to her that I am seriously considering it as a way of life. Well, her second chance to accept my religious choices...
Even if I did go jewish; I am pretty sure I don't want to convert Baby to judaism. First, he would remember circumsicion I believe. And even thought we wanted to have him circumsiced at birth; it didn't happen. Second, he moved in my belly first time when we went to see "Passion of the Christ"; Big reason for me to see it as a "sign". And third, he can decide when he grows up.
Even though, I would try to expose him to the jewish everything incl. school. But, schools are expensive and the most likely scnario is that he'll end up in a local public school. Sight.
SN falks have lot's of problems... I think about them a lot.

Well, it didn't quite work. You have to actually click on the rectangle to see the picture. Oh, well, it took me a good long while to put them there anyway. So I am not taking them off.
But!!!
I was at chat last night. I like my chat. I like my SN family. Jenny exposed my dating with Michael. Crick is smart and Lucy gave me her opinion.
Michael called today to see how I was doing.
Lucy told me to run.
I dont' have a fear of being owned. I know I can live through that - which I did with my mom. I have to see just how it's gonna play out.
I think my issue is going to be not to get sucked into it; into the whole idea of too deep of a relationship (if there are no major issues). I don't know.
If things went seriously wrong, Baby goes to Bob and I can leave. I don't think things will go seriously wrong.
Rich wrote me a somewhat more concrete email. He basicly lost illusions about me. I had no illusion but accusation hurts anyways. When people admit their hurt they don't seem so evil.
Lucy is going to work in Walmart. She can run the Walmart and the entire neighbourhood. Walmart did their best hire in a long time. I hope they promote her and give her good benefits. Then S can get hearing aids for less money.

I am going to try to work some and see if I can make money. I am going to see more about Canada too. Canada is a nice place.
I am smart capable flexible reliable. Why the heck can't I just stay here and prove it?
I gave Momraine a gift and she thanked me. It's not easy to be away/without loved ones for holidays.

There's something in my throat that is bohtering me there. Halls help only temporarily.

Well, it didn't quite work. You have to actually click on the rectangle to see the picture. Oh, well, it took me a good long while to put them there anyway. So I am not taking them off.
But!!!
I was at chat last night. I like my chat. I like my SN family. Jenny exposed my dating with Michael. Crick is smart and Lucy gave me her opinion.
Michael called today to see how I was doing.
Lucy told me to run.
I dont' have a fear of being owned. I know I can live through that - which I did with my mom. I have to see just how it's gonna play out.
I think my issue is going to be not to get sucked into it; into the whole idea of too deep of a relationship (if there are no major issues). I don't know.
If things went seriously wrong, Baby goes to Bob and I can leave. I don't think things will go seriously wrong.
Rich wrote me a somewhat more concrete email. He basicly lost illusions about me. I had no illusion but accusation hurts anyways. When people admit their hurt they don't seem so evil.
Lucy is going to work in Walmart. She can run the Walmart and the entire neighbourhood. Walmart did their best hire in a long time. I hope they promote her and give her good benefits. Then S can get hearing aids for less money.

I am going to try to work some and see if I can make money. I am going to see more about Canada too. Canada is a nice place.
I am smart capable flexible reliable. Why the heck can't I just stay here and prove it?
I gave Momraine a gift and she thanked me. It's not easy to be away/without loved ones for holidays.

There's something in my throat that is bohtering me there. Halls help only temporarily.

Some pictures from before Thanksgiving:
My little Sunshine. I had a slow exposure and I moved the camera, he moved etc. but "you get the picture".

Little bit of Judaism about a rape:
In cases of rape, a woman is generally presumed not to have consented to the intercourse, even if she enjoyed it, even if she consented after the sexual act began and declined a rescue! This is in sharp contrast to American society, where even today rape victims often have to overcome public suspicion that they "asked for it" or "wanted it."

Ain't it Fun... when you are always on the run; when your friends despise what you've become
Ain't it Fun when you know that you gonna die young, such fun, such fun, such fun... SUCH FUN
Ain't it Fun when you are like: I just gotta get a gun
'cause you are stuck in too deep in something that really stunk...
... such a disgrace...
Such fun, such fun, such fun

This song by Guns and Roses is quite relaxing... Definitely today.
Conversation with Rich yesterday SUCKED.
BIG TIME.
It's making me sick to my stomach and I don't even want to think about it.
to be continued...

OK, JUDAISM.
It makes sense. It fits...
I definitely came to a conclusion that I am not a Christian in any way, shape, or form...
This is partially sad because most of the SN falks are Christians...
But it could be totally swell if I could belong to Jewish comunity... yep.

It is amazing how much of Judaism fits. It's unbelievable.
The fact, that something fits this well is not a small thing in my life. I think I am falling in love with it.
Well, let's see...

Soooooooooooooooooooo!
I am dating Michael????!!!!!! What the heck! And liking it! No matter how wierd he is; he is 100 times better then Bob. I have to break it to Rich somehow though. Rich is paying for my immigration. Hmmmmm. What did I get myself into? I can't even tell Lucy.
Nevertheless, I am EXCITED!!!
And listening to Neil Diamond. I am sooo out of date with music.
How am I going to get out of this sh**?
Tudu wrote me. Hello Tudu! I'll come visit you one day, don't worry. I like crazy people. I think that's not a nice thing to say; is it? Sorry Tufu, KWIM?

So, Michael wants a "joint venture". What the hell.
I wrote him an email detailing what would be required to proceed to joint venture... Let's see.
Anyway.
I think I really like Lisa (counsellor). I am sure I am a number trillion-blah-blah in her job. Which is what I hate about meeting nice people. That I mean nothing to them.

My mentoring program is actually calling for references now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES, YES, YES!!! I think I am so thrilled I can't contain the happiness. They talked to Kevin and to Lani(perhaps?) and Duckie told them she was busy. I hope they call Andy.
Soooo, quite few things going on.
However Rich did not respond to my inquiry as to what he "plans for me". Which is just as well. Boy, how I don't care about him; sad... Anyways I don't really have such a GREAT opinion about him.
Bumpy's healthy now.

Well, well, well, it indeed looks like we will be moving up north. PA?!!!!!
I will be closer to Lorraine. That's about it. I have no winter cloths. Everything will be new for Bumpy. I will hopefuly have internet. And washing machine and water... OH BOY.
That's gonna be something.
I need to get back to internet.